when love hurts.
March 7, 2009
Many of you might have known by now that singer Chris Brown, assaulted his girlfriend Rihanna. It was reported that the 19-year old pop singer attacked his 21-year old girlfriend after a Grammy party on February 8th. Afterwhich, Rihanna was so badly beaten up, till she cannot perform for the Grammy Awards the following day. Why is this happening to a couple who had been dating for the past 6 months? In my opinion, her boyfriend and her, did not clearly define their relational boundaries when they started off.
According to Knapp’s Model of Relational Development, there are 10 stages in defining a relationship. Five for building up a relationship and five for dissolving a relationship. Of which, those stages can be non linear and skip around, but they should be clearly defined within the boundaries. In the case of Rihanna and her boyfriend, they might have a very brief Initation stage, where the two person made contact. Prehaps by a surge of raging hormones, they skipped the a stage and went straight to the third, which is Intensifying. Then, probably with all the tabloids reporting, they might be forced together. Hence, rushing into the Integration stage. Then, it went on for a couple of months. However, even when trouble brews within themselves, they are to put up a front, as they are awarded tremendous attention by the paparazzi. With minimal fundations in the developing phase of the Coming Together Stage, it might be one of the factor that shortened their ‘Honeymoon’ period. When Chris Brown allegedly assaulted Rihanna that night, it might had been one of their first major disagreements. Brown, 19, might not have any awareness of anger managment and lashed on Rihanna. Hence, pulling their relational development from stage 4, down to near stage 10, which is Termiation. Rihanna made her stand, by going to the police and reported Brown for assault, thus signing the end of the relationship.
Rihanna made her stand, by reporting the assault to the police. This incident is just an amplified example of one such domestic violence case, as it happened to two celebrities in Hollywood. There are so many more unreported cases of domestic violence around the world, especially if the society favours male domimance. In Singapore, 61 per cent of women, if affected by domestic violence, claim they would confide in a friend, yet a much smaller proportion would turn to official authorities such as 30% to the police and 23% to a support group. Thus, the majority will carry on in the Stagnation phase, where their relationship with their spouses do not grow nor dissolves. Hence, many just carry on with their lives, citing different reasons, yet they might be consistently faced with the danger of domestic violence.
So my point is, will you carry a relationship in stagnation even you are being domestically abused for the fear of losing what you value?
Or, will you be like Rihanna, and take a stand against it?
no way! verbal or action. any forms of abuse is no-no. a clear sign of disregard of respect for other half.
it may sounds utopic. but i believe communication is the fundamental resolution to any misunderstandings.
I think I would. I am one of those who would suffer in silence and try to be optimistic that things will get better at the light of dawn.
The last I heard, the couple has since reunited, even planning a duet together. Does this also fall under the usual denial pattern among battered women? I’d say its too soon to have graduated from an anger management course.
Will you carry a relationship in stagnation even you are being domestically abused for the fear of losing what you value?
No. I doubt that still counts as any form of a healthy relationship. It’s just living in fear, denial and wishful thinking. It is important to know when a relationship ends, and to step out of it.
I think she has the Battered Wife Syndromme (BFS), where they just keep making excuses to rationalise the guy’s behaviour. What they never want to admit is that it’ll happen again and again.
There are rumours of Rihanna and Chris Brown marrying though, so maybe she thinks that he won’t do it again? Still, it’s a good thing that she reported it to the police. Like the survey you reported, lots of women don’t report their spouses / boyfriends for domestic violence. I think in a sense a lot of women endure it because they’re so dependent on their spouse that they’re afraid to report him…either that, or they’re afraid of what their spouse will do to them should they report him.
I guess it’s hard to predict what I’d do in a situation like that, but I’m pretty sure I’ll terminate the relationship because I have the benefit of a supportive family behind me. It may be generalising, but I think women who hang on to their spouses no matter what probably come from backgrounds where they lack familial love and support.
Never expected this from Chris Brown. Could Rihanna’s swollen forehead have been just one of the consequences from the assault?
I won’t want to carry on with this kind of relationship.
Yes, I will lose the one I value and love but it is not worth to be abused.
As for the case of Rihanna and Chris Brown, I guess with all the pressure of the public and the press, they had no choice but to move from one stage to another faster? The whole world will be following their relatioship and all. But then again, I guess they coould have managed their relationship better.
Personally I feel that if a relationship has degenerated to this extent shouldn’t one give it up? Instead of continuing and hurting both parties in the process? Seperation would have been the ‘right’ thing to do I guess, but since when’s there actually a ‘right’/'wrong’ thing to do when it comes to a relationship? However, the next time Rihanana actually falls victim to one of Chris’ violent acts definitely no more pity will be awarded to her, as she chose her own path with regards to this relationship. Then again, since when do celebrity marriages actually last?